On day 4 of stims, and I have to say, this round is kicking my ass. I absolutely hated the devil lupron and it’s partner the birth control pills from IVF #1, but last time I had no side effects from the follitism or the menopur. On the contrary, I actually felt awesome until the last 2 or 3 days. Maybe it’s because they didn’t do enough to actually get me good eggs? Whatever the reason, this time I am exhausted and I have a headache that feels like it is right behind my eyes – making bright lights and meeting rooms a struggle. And I’m already hugely bloated and it’s only day 4! Oh well, maybe this is what a more successful IVF feels like – fingers crossed that is the case.
Onto question #5 from the challenge that I am not doing so great at…
5. Write a letter (one that you never have to send) to a fertile in your life. Did they hurt you? Support you? Tell them how you feel, all the things you can’t bring yourself to say in person.
Dear Friends, Family and Colleagues,
You guys fucking rock. If there is one thing that I will take away as a positive from this journey it is how awesome the people around me are and how loved I feel. Most of you have no personal experience with this struggle, but you have taken the time to ask the questions and find out what we are going through. I was nervous opening up so much about what we are going through to so many people, but I have to say, I am so, so glad that I did. The amount of texts, emails, calls, prayers, yoga class dedications (truly, how awesome is that) and well wishes from all of you that I received right before the first egg retrieval was really amazing. I feel that we have a huge team of people sending positive vibes to the universe on our behalf. My other fear with telling all of you what was happening was having to tell everyone if we failed, and if that would make it worse. But honestly it didn’t make it worse, the IVF experience was basically a disaster, but I don’t regret for a minute having you all behind us hoping for the best and offering comfort and many glasses of wine after the disappointment. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, your love has been the silver lining and the positive takeaway from an experience that doesn’t have much to be positive about.