Finally cycle day 1 – Let’s get this shit started!

I have never, in my life, been so happy to get my period.  I already knew without a doubt that I wasn’t pregnant, so there was no ability for that sneaky bitch hope to sneak in, and it was just pure relief and happiness to finally get this shit started.  In fact I am sitting at the airport bar right now having a glass of wine and watching the planes take off, headed for Denver.  

Work has been ridiculously crazy so I’m going to do this post in bullet points to catch up.

  • Yesterday morning I got up at 4 am to make a 7 am flight for a ridiculous one day trip for work to San Fran.  I woke up cranky, but as soon as I realized my period had finally come, no kidding, it made my morning.  I got my tired ass to the airport and on the flight, and then as soon as made it to our office there I got a conference room and called CCRM.  The process to actually schedule the one day workup is not quite as easy as I had hoped.  First I scheduled day 3 bloodworm with the nurse – that is happening tomorrow morning between 7 and 9.  I was hoping to get the ODWU a few days later so I could just stay in Denver.  Ha, once again I need to laugh at myself for being so naive, you would think by now I would know to never assume anything would be easy or the outcome would be expected.  Apparently Dr G was fully booked for my entire days 5-13 so the woman said that I might have to do the next cycle.  At this I tried not to freak the hell out/start crying and (I think nicely) explained to her that I had just had a 45 day cycle and I couldn’t schedule in advance since I have no clue what my body is doing.  She obviously heard the tremor in my voice as she said she would find Dr G and see if we could work something out.  She called me back later and it had been worked out – we have the last possible day – day 13 on the books for the one day workup.  This means that I am flying out there today for basically just a blood test (which seems a little insane, but fuck it, what isn’t insane about this process at this point).  I’ll be in Denver at my mom’s through Saturday morning, fly home and then my husband and I will fly back to Denver on Wednesday.  At this point I’m thankful that we have a shitload of air miles and a free place to stay to make this happen.  
  • Everyone, everywhere, is apparently pregnant.  Seriously, everywhere I go, it’s unavoidable.  I’m normally pretty good at dealing with it, but maybe going on IVF #3 I am starting to take it personally.
  • Speaking of pregnant and taking it personally… A woman who works for me last week was having to reschedule meetings late notice for a bunch of appointments.  Her and I are pretty close, she’s worked for me for a while and I know her and her partner pretty well.  She knows about all that I have been through in the past year, so she talked to me after work one night and let me know that her and her partner had decided to try to have a baby.  They are both women so she confessed that she had been in and out of the office preparing for an IUI and wanted to get my advice.  Most of me is super excited for them both and oddly happy to pass on my knowledge of all things reproductive technology – as I am now a bonafide expert in this area.  But there is a little teeny, tiny part of me (the evil bitch part) that can’t help thinking, ‘I bet she will get pregnant on the first try while we’ve done multiple rounds of both IUIs and IVF and have nothing to show for it’.  Logically and realistically I know that I will truly be happy for her (and for anyone that doesn’t have to go through this shit), but damn it is a little hard to watch.  She will test any day now so we’ll see what happens.
  • I want to send my love and support to Adi at The Second Bedroom, she’s stepped away from blogging for a little while to try and heal from her loss.  Lady, if you’re reading this, know that we are all here for you if you need anything.
  • I am emotional.  Was driving to the airport at the crack of dawn and a few songs came on my Pandora that made me tear up.  The first was ‘Let’s get it started’ by the Black Eyed Peas – which captured my readiness and ‘excitement’ to move onto CCRM and the next steps of this process.  The next was ‘Hell on the Throat’ by Dashboard Confessional.  A Calm Persistence just posted a great list of infertility songs, and in that same vein, the lyrics to this one hit me hard right now going into the unknown, the fear, the sadness and the hope of putting my body and soul through this again.  So I’ll leave you with the lyrics to close out this post – and the request to my body and the universe to give me good blood test results tomorrow and rock the shit out the long process that will become IVF #3.

“Hell On The Throat”

A line of strands to mark the trail, 
No one said it would be easy.

I must admit I thought the risk was better waged in younger seasons, 
But all these years in the cold play hell on the throat 
Till everything I say burns like cinders, 
Why it’s hard to belong to a girl or a song 
And the crease of a strangling winter

It’s strange to be lost, stranger still to be lone 
In the strings of a twisting line.
Along the way the turns are sharp, 
No one said they would be easy, 
I must admit I thought the trip was better in younger seasons. 
But all these years in the pursuit made a man of a fool, 
Till every word I say is on waver.

Why it’s hard to belong to a girl or a song 
In the case of a selfish believer, 
It’s strange to be lost and stranger still to be lone 
In the strings in a twisting line [x2]

And when the path I have made 
From the grass to the grave, 
I will love you still. 
And when the sand turns to glass 
And all that’s left is the past 
And I will love you still.

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Finally cycle day 1 – Let’s get this shit started!

  1. You were in my hood in SF! Anyhow, I am excited for you that you can finally get the show started! It had been quite some time huh. Glad you have family in Denver so you have a place to stay. Best of luck!

    • Thanks lady. SF was gorgeous Tuesday, we even had a few minutes to sit outside and have a glass of wine before heading back to Seattle. Would love to spend more time down there, it is such a beautiful city!

  2. Hell yeah bitches!! Get this show on the road! Safe travels my dear. Super pumped to be here as you need me for this next go round. May this next cycle be a really long (ahem 40 week) cycle. For shiz, it’s time. I morphed into a gangster for a second. Please forgive. Hugs and more hugs whether you
    Iike them or not!!

    • I love gangster you, no apologies needed, in fact I think we need more gangsta infertility up in here! And I’ll take all the hugs and positive wishes I can get :).

  3. I am so happy I stumbled upon your blog! I am currently starting an IVF cycle with CCRM after getting the diagnosis of DOR (Dr. G actually said I had severe DOR which was a bitter pill to swallow, especially considering I am 30 and have been at this for three years). This will be my second IVF with the intent of it being my one last shot with my eggs. I am scheduled for my one day work up with Dr. G on the 21st (so soon!). It’s really exciting that we are going through this at the same time and I am looking forward to reading all about your experiences. Good luck!

    • Thanks for reading, glad it is helpful! We also have our ODWU on the 21st, so maybe we will actually bump into each other at CCRM! Although if we do happen to meet – my husband doesn’t know that I write a blog (just wanted a private place for me) so let’s just say we met on the internet 🙂

      • Fair enough, your secret is safe with me! Though I’m sure it will be a super busy day for both of us and I can only imagine how busy CCRM is everyday. If you hear about any crazy kids from Minnesota, that would be us! I hope you have safe travels back and forth. I completely agree, let’s get this shit started!

    • Thanks lady, it’s going to be a very long process this time – multiple months to get to an FET (which I know you know all about) but I feel good and ready to be starting again.

  4. Yay Cycle Day 1!!! I know it’s going to be tough, but you’ve got this. You are going to show this cycle who’s boss. Thinking of you, sending lots of positive thoughts your way that you are that much closer to your goal.

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