And the winner…

…for the most painful infertility procedure I’ve had to date is… (drumroll please)… the beta-3 integrin test!  

Holy mother fucking fuckballs y’all, it really fucking hurt (apparently badly enough for me to use the term y’all in a sentence) .  I thought the HSG was bad, but this was a whole other level.  Somehow I didn’t google how this procedure worked or what to expect – seriously, I have googled everything under the sun about pregnancy symptoms and egg quality, but ridiculously I didn’t look this one up, so I didn’t have any expectations going into it.  I did ask when we made it to the CCRM Lousville office (after driving through frozen roads after an April snowstorm) if I should take some advil before the procedure as they did have me do that before the hysteroscopy so the receptionist checked and came back and said it wasn’t necessary, so I figured it must not be a big deal.  

When I went back to get the procedure Dr G told me he was going to do a shot of novocaine in my cervix so I assumed that was why I wouldn’t need any other pain meds.   Apparently I have no clue what that was for (nor do I want to know) because then he said the dreaded words ‘this is going to hurt quite a bit, make sure you take some deep breaths’.  And fuck, he was right.  He started doing the biopsy and it went on for longer than the HSG (which also hurt like a bitch), I’m not sure if I dropped any f-bombs (knowing me, I probably did) when he was telling me that we needed to get a large enough sample so that they could run the tests.  At that point I really never wanted to do this again so wanted him to get whatever chunk he needed to get this over with.  He finished and it got better pretty quickly, tons of cramping but not the white hot pain of someone scratching out my insides.  Unfortunately at that point I had some bleeding that couldn’t be controlled so the nurse went to get some sort of chemical spray to stop it.  So while laying there I asked him if I could ask some questions – I believe with the phrase ‘while I’m hanging out here, can we talk about the next steps of my cycle?’- bet he’s never heard it quite like that before while lying on the table.  I did confirm that no more booze or caffeine starting with CD1 (coming soon, I hope), although he did say I could have a glass or two in New Orleans to take the stress off.  You better believe I’m saving those two glasses for the perfect opportunity.  After that I had some pretty serious cramping for the rest of the day, which advil did help at 800 mg as well as a heating pad, but it was over by the next day when I had to fly home.

Other fun stuff that happened while in Denver:

  • My douchebag brother-in-law after asking me about my upcoming procedure proceeded to lecture me about his friend who did IVF and how much he knew about the subject.  My BIL is one of those assholes who always knows everything on every subject, and is better than you at everything, so it wasn’t surprising, but seriously?  I could fucking teach a course on IVF at this point.  The best part is when he told me his friend had her IVF cancelled because she had too many follicles (really?) and she did IUI with all those follicles and had twins.  I have given up arguing with him so I just said ‘wow, that sounds totally different from my experience’.  He is really a piece of work, deserves a whole blog post on it’s own.
  • I didn’t get any drama from not going to my nephew’s birthday party.  Got to see him the morning after and give him our present – a motorized ATV/car thing that he drove up and down the halls of my mom’s condo building.
  • One of my good family friends had a baby a few days earlier.  Seeing the baby and her was great.  Going to the adorable boutique to by her a baby present was not, stupidly I didn’t realize that the entire store filled with pregnant women, adorably babies and registries would not be a good idea.  My mom and I went and got a big ass glass of wine right after that.
  • We went to look for purses that would work for a diaper bag for the same friend.  While at the mall I looked at a very expensive LV bag that was gorgeous but too expensive as I’m shelling out thousands for IVF.  I made the joke to my mom that while some women get ‘push presents’ for having the baby I felt that I deserved a fucking brilliant ‘IVF present’ for making it through this twice so far, and working on number 3.  The LV shop attendant was nearby and asked if I had just had a baby, obviously not getting it.  Yes lady, I just had a baby, can’t you tell?  She was very confused.

I think that’s it for now.  Got home from Denver last night and just went out to dinner to have a great meal and probably my last glass of wine for a while.  Hoping for CD1 to come tomorrow so we can get this show on the road!

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17 thoughts on “And the winner…

  1. Oh gosh. Sorry it hurt so much doing that test. They really should’ve let you take some pain relievers ahead of time. Your BIL sounds ridiculous.. and not worth engaging in an argument with. There are people like that who think that they know everything. LV bag sounds wonderful. Hopefully after this cycle you will have one for your push gift!

  2. I don’t even know what this test is… what is it for? I’m sorry it was painful, that’s not fun at all and you should have been warned about it… I’m in the first row for the show, waiting for it to start and crossing fingers! xx

    • It’s a test to see if I have a protein called beta-3 integrin – which is apparently something you should have for an embryo to be able to implant. It’s somewhat controversial – most places don’t do it but CCRM is pretty cutting edge with this stuff. And I’m all for them testing anything they can that might contribute to our issues, would rather know as much as we can at this point! Thanks for the well wishes, appreciate crossed fingers and support!

  3. This lucky girl has had THREE endometrial biopsies (try to keep your envy at bay, please, it’s embarrassing for both of us) and that includes one round with the beta 3 integrin test, where my doctor went in for a double (triple?) swipe to “get enough tissue” to perform the test. Solidarity, sister. It was the biggest suck-fest of all, though the process of putting in an IV over and over ranks pretty high. Glad it’s done. Hope something comes of it!

    • THREE?? Holy shit lady, you are one tough woman. And appreciate the commiseration that it’s not just me that thought this one was by far the worst. Glad it’s over and hopefully will get the results back soon.

  4. I have a conspiracy theory about fertility procedures – that if they were being done to men, there would be all kinds of pain management options offered. As it is, I feel like they barely warn you, or say bullshit like, “You may feel discomfort.” My ass. I went into my HSG after taking 3 advil AND a percocet and thought I was so smart – yeah right, I was way unprepared, it sucked. Sorry that was so painful for you, may all this crap turn out to be worth it very soon!

    • Haaa, ‘discomfort’ indeed. Totally agree on the men front as well, although I’m not even sure that most men could make it through any of this – even with pain management. I know my husband can barely even give blood without passing out 🙂

  5. All I have to say is that any ENDO BIOPSY is the freaking most painful of all of them!!! Truly made me wonder if I’d ever be able to deal with labor because that pain was something the f*&k else. The only thing that has come close is was the ectopic pain right before emergency surgery!! But I am glad that it is over with and you got to meet to Crystal!

    • Thanks Julia, you are so sweet to reach out and comment on my blog with everything you are going through. I’m thinking of you often right now and sending my love, have been traveling so unable to comment well from my phone but have been following along.

  6. Ugh! I’m sorry the procedure was so awful hon. Glad it’s over. Fingers crossed everything comes back fine with the results. Hope you got your period today and you’re ready to get started! Everything is crossed for you hon!!

  7. Uggghhhh, that sounds fucking awful! I can’t believe they didn’t tell you to at least take some Advil. Ridiculous. Frankly, they should have given you something stronger. I can totally relate to having a sucky brother-in-law. I actually get really jealous of people who have nice, or even just okay brothers or sisters-in-law. I feel like my relationship with my sister is complicated enough, and you throw in a total nutjob like my BIL and it’s just worse. And yes, you DO deserve an awesome present for going through 3 IVFs – no matter what the outcome – so start thinking about what you want! The cycle I got pregnant, I went no caffeine and no alcohol. It was not as awful as I thought it would be, though I did definitely miss it. I would definitely recommend that you start scaling down on the caffeine now, just because I found that I missed that routine of morning coffee most of all and decaf coffee just isn’t the same. And definitely find some sort of treat for yourself to make up for not having a glass of wine at night (at least, I needed a replacement treat). Come on CD 1!

    • It was fucking awful, glad it’s over. I’m totally with you on the brother in law jealousy – he definitely makes my relationship with my sister way more complicated and drama filled then it needs to be. I am on day 12 of the no booze no caffeine situation today – the first few days were rough (and the no wine during big dinners out is still tough) but I’m doing OK. Have been using your after dinner treat to make up for the wine, love that idea, and it does make me feel like I’m rewarding myself for getting through it :). Hope all is wonderful with you – it’s getting so close to you guys meeting that little boy!

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