So today is my birthday. I am 36 years old today. Officially ‘advanced maternal age’. I’m not sure how I feel about this birthday, on the one hand I’m pissed that we started trying for a baby this month 3 years ago. I cannot believe I’ve been doing this for three years with nothing to show for it – one year on our own and then the last 2 years doing infertility treatments, holy shit this has been my life. I don’t reflect on it in terms of months or years very often but when I do it always shocks me of how much this has become my reality.
On the other hand I’m kind of meh about it, I had a fine day, did my shots in the morning, and then 7 hours of straight meetings from my mother’s living room, fun times. But then had a lovely dinner with my mother, my sister and a dear friend that moved here from Seattle. It was sunny and celebratory, I even had a few sips of wine and some great mocktails (I still really, really miss wine though). So that’s it, another birthday come and gone – wasn’t the best I’ve ever had, but wasn’t the worst either.
Have a pretty packed couple of days – first monitoring appointment tomorrow (come on ovaries, you can do it!) and then another birthday dinner with some childhood friends tonight and tomorrow. There is also another lovely lady who I connected with via this blog who is flying out tonight from Seattle to go to CCRM. I am super excited to meet her so that should be fun to have her here going through all of this at the same time.
And now onto the fun part – here’s my full update for today!
Day of the cycle: Stims day 3
Total weight gain/loss: The bloat, it is a coming. I can feel myself expanding with the shots and I am ready with long skirts and wrap dresses (thanks Adi for that idea).
Best moment this week: Getting the all clear from the suppression check to start stims
Worst moment: Went to get a pedicure and manicure (without polish, buffing only going by the It Starts with the Egg book to not have nail polish formaldehyde and all that). The woman didn’t seem to get why I didn’t want polish so I told her that I was doing IVF. Should have kept my fucking mouth shut. She went on and on about how my husband should eat oysters and bone marrow – apparently that will just solve this pesky infertility problem, I kid you not. I remained cool and composed (this was before I started stims) but holy shit, the things people say.
Movement: Did two yoga classes with my sister on Friday and Saturday after suppression, felt like that set me up nicely to go into stims. Now since I can’t do anything I’m just trying to walk after I shoot up the Menopur in the morning and listen to my playlist. Seems to help my mood and start the day off nicely.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope, so far the side effects are pretty mild, hopefully they stay that way.
Fun drugs you are currently on: 2 vials of menopur in the morning (burns like a motherfucker but a little less so if I swirl it for a few minutes to mix before injecting), 300 IU of Gonal-F, 0.40 of Saizen (HGH) and Dexamethasone (steroid).
Sex: Seriously? Is there anyone that wants sex at this stage in the game, if so you are a better woman than I. I still just want food and wine.
Symptoms: Mild headaches, having a hard time going to sleep at night and not sleeping well
Wedding rings on or off: On, it’s been nice to be here and be taken care of by my mom so far. Husband is flying out on Saturday, I’m sure by then I will be nice and crazy so we’ll see how that goes.
Happy or moody most of the time: I actually feel pretty zen so far – we’ll see if that lasts after I over analyze everything at the first monitoring appointment tomorrow. I’m doing circle + bloom as well as acupuncture here (love the acupuncturist, she was suggested by CCRM) so that seems to be helping along with the walks and playlist.
Current project: Make it through every day. Work is a little insane right now so attending meetings remotely and juggling that is proving to be difficult. I have a ton of support at work though, so if I have to drop everything and go to an appointment they have my back. Have a feeling I will have to pull back some next week when we get closer to retrieval.
Looking forward to: First monitoring appointment tomorrow and seeing how everything is looking. Will let you all know how it goes and thanks so much for all the well wishes – it feels like I have a badass lady infertile army cheering me on here!