Just a warning, I am tired and feeling a bit chippy today so there will be a good amount of usage of the word fuck in all of it’s tenses in this post.
Trigger last night went fine, although I am exhausted today. Went to bed at 10:30, set the alarm for 12:40 and listened to my Circle + Bloom trigger/retrieval session. When the alarms went off I got my ass out of bed and into the other room (husband stayed up just in case). Mixed the preg.nyl and then laid down with the heating pad for a while to get ready. I had the nurse circle the spot on my ass earlier in the day so that he would know where to put the shot – he had done the awful progesterone shots in the past but it had been a while so we wanted to make sure it was correct. He then gave me the shot and I told him at the end that he needed to remember to keep it in for 10 seconds to make sure all the medicine was in. Then he says ‘shit, I took it out too early, there is still some left.’ And at that point it takes all of my power not to go apoplectic on him, seriously are you fucking kidding me? But I took a deep breath and just told him to stick me again and make sure it all gets done this time. So that was fun.
Then went to be for another 40 minutes and got back up at 2 am to do the Lup.ron shot – that wasn’t so bad since it was SubQ, but it was a whole 0.8 ML so a lot of fluid. Went back to bed again and this time just couldn’t go back to sleep so tossed and turned until 6:30 when I had to get up to go down to CCRM for my blood draw. Blood draw was just to make sure that the trigger was working and they said no news is good news – so no call just yet and hoping that everything is good to go for this evening.
Since I won’t have another time to do it I wanted to do one last update with Barren Betty’s fab template. Here you go – enjoy!
Day of the cycle: Today is ‘technically’ stims day 10 – but since I’m not doing stims anymore I guess it’s just CD11?
Follicles and Estrogen Update: On last check I had follicles ranging from 13-22 and 18 in total. Totally forgot to ask about Estrogen levels since was so excited to get the trigger instructions so not sure what my levels are (and would like to know for my type A personality) but oh well. They are what they are at this point.
Estimated Retrieval Day: Tomorrow at 12:00 pm MST, yay!
Total weight gain/loss: The bloat just keeps getting worse, pants are far behind me and I’m either wearing yoga pants or maxi skirts. Even feeling to bleh for wrap dresses at this point.
Best moment this week: Making it to trigger!
Worst moment: Thinking about what happens next. This is where I’m scared. We have always done OK on the stimulation part, it’s the fertilization and growing of embryos that has been our downfall in the past. I am trying to repeat to myself that this is a new IVF, new clinic, new protocol, so it doesn’t mean the same outcome. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I’m not sure how I will pick myself back up again if we have done all of this to have the same outcome. As a re ap, we are not transferring this time for two reasons – I was on testosterone during down reg and we want to do CCS testing to see if we can actually make some kickass embryos. So we will get the fertilization report Thursday, and then try to grow to day 5 (we have never made it that far), and then from there it’s a few weeks for CCS testing – so it will be late July or probably August before we would transfer. And the attrition you get at each stage of this is pretty scary, so I just have to hope we have a good amount that fertilize so we can go from there. Most moments I am doing well to focus on the positive, but the wait after tomorrow is going to make for a rough week. Thank god for the wine, all the wine. The wine is the highlight of me not being able to do a transfer right away.
Movement: Ha. I am a bloated beached whale at this point.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Oh trigger shot, how I had forgotten how crappy you make me feel. I pretty much wanted to throw up all morning long and still don’t feel great today. Would be thrilled to be feeling crappy and actually BE pregnant, but this is just a cruel joke.
Fun drugs you are currently on: Did my last 225 IUs of Gonal-F last night. Did 10,000 IUs of Preg.nyl at 1 am. 0.8 ml of Lupron at 2 am and then just did 0.8 ml of Lupron (last shot, fuck yeah!) at 2 pm this afternoon.
Sex: No fucking way
Symptoms: Pukey beached whale status
Wedding rings on or off: On but seriously almost killed my husband when he had to shoot me twice for all the HCG
Happy or moody most of the time: Definitely moody today – trigger + lack of sleep means that I am not a nice person.
Current project: Make it through today and to the retrieval tomorrow
Looking forward to: Retrieval! Going home to Seattle! We fly out Thursday morning after retrieval. Probably a bit soon but fuck it, I want to be home in my own bed, my own city, and see my puppy dog. My husband travels a ton for work so saved some first class upgrades so at least we can fly home in comfort.
One more thing: I met a fabulous lady here at CCRM who is also from Seattle. She has a blog and could use all of your support so wanted to post it here for everyone to check out. It’s Waiting for a Rainbow – IVF at CCRM. Rainbow – it was so nice meeting you and can’t wait to have that drink back in Seattle soon!
Words cannot express how much I appreciate you wonderful ladies cheering me on and sending prayers, unicorn dust, good egg juju, positive energy to the universe – all of it is amazing and helps so very much, I would be lost without this community. So thank you.
And that’s it for now! Will do a short post from my phone post retrieval tomorrow.