I am back from my travels for a bit. Got home from Europe and then 24 hours later got on another plan to San Diego for a work meeting all last week. Was hoping this update would be full of fun pictures from my travels as well as the story of meeting the lovely and amazing Kiftsgate in Paris (highlight of my trip). But apparently that update is going to have to wait, as we received The Call while in San Diego. Of course it came right in the middle of a meeting that I was in and about to present during so I had to step out for a bit, find paper, and hear what Dr G had to say. And it comes down to this. When we got 7 to actually make it to biopsy and freeze I somehow forgot Rule #1 of Infertility Fight Club, and I quote “Do not let Hope anywhere near you, she will cut a bitch.” I had somehow let myself imagine that we would have maybe 3 or 4 embryos that might be normal and then I could breathe a little easier and let off some of the pressure thinking we may be able to do more than 1 transfer if the first one didn’t work – see Rule #2 of Infertility Fight Club – “You can have a perfect embryo and still not end up with a baby”. Something that I know happens from multiple stories from our community, so I have no illusions that CCS testing is a guarantee, there are no guarantees with any infertility treatment.
But that was not to be. We have 2 normal embryos, 2 that I am incredibly grateful for as it could have been 1 or 0. One of them is of meh quality – 4BC, and the other is a high quality – 5AB. I asked him if this was what he was expecting and he said no, that at my age he would expect around 4 normal embryos, so this does confirm for him that my eggs are shit (not the term he used), and that it’s likely why we have not gotten pregnant naturally or via science in the past 3 years.
Dr G said that in his mind we had two options – one, go forward with an FET and transfer both embryos (he didn’t have high hopes for the 4BC) or two, if we think we want to have more than one child, do another round of IVF now while my eggs are still at this ‘age’. And honestly all I could think there was ‘how do I know if we want another one, we don’t even have one yet’ and ‘holy fuck, I don’t know if I can do another round of IVF for retrieval right now, it’s just not in me.’ So the husband and I talked it over with lots of wine in San Diego over the weekend and decided to go forward with the FET and transfer both normals. Called CCRM today to confirm and begin the process – if I get my period like a normal person (ha) we are looking at the transfer being at or around August 19th. I am scared shitless that this won’t work, that we will have done the last 6 months for nothing, but I am trying very hard to put that out of my mind and just believe that this can happen. That this will happen.