A picture of the card my sister gave us today to wish us luck tomorrow. I told her if this works we’re framing it and putting it in the nursery – I figure with us as parents it’s bound to be the kid’s third or fourth word anyway so why not just accept it ahead of time?
Transfer is scheduled for 2:30 pm MST tomorrow. I’m getting acupuncture before and after the transfer, and the only thing I’m really nervous about is the full bladder situation. At my other clinic you could get up about 20 minutes after the transfer and pee right away. Since I should be trying to relax for the acupuncture after and then the hour before I can go home, I’m hoping that I am not in agony the whole time. I guess I can ask for a bedpan if I need it, which will be a new and humiliating adventure in infertility, but hey, what dignity do I really have left at this point?
On a more serious note and I am a little afraid to put this out there in writing but I truly, deep down, believe this is going to work this time. Maybe it’s the trust in CCRM, maybe it’s because if I start to think it won’t I can’t cope with that reality, or maybe it is actually time, but I believe it will work. I’ve even (gasp) allowed myself to think of a positive test, actual pregnancy and real live baby or babies out of this. This is all very out of character for me, I’m usually all manageable expectations and harsh reality, I’ve never allowed myself to think of the future after IVF #1 failed so miserably. And if it doesn’t work, well, the fall is not going to be any harder because I had hope, I will fall apart regardless of how I feel at this moment. I have been hard on myself at times through this journey, feeling stupid and bad for having hope and then being disappointed again and again. But fuck it – that ends now, I’m walking into CCRM tomorrow with the expectation, and the demand that this work out for us, that it is our time.