Tomorrow

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A picture of the card my sister gave us today to wish us luck tomorrow.  I told her if this works we’re framing it and putting it in the nursery – I figure with us as parents it’s bound to be the kid’s third or fourth word anyway so why not just accept it ahead of time?

Transfer is scheduled for 2:30 pm MST tomorrow.  I’m getting acupuncture before and after the transfer, and the only thing I’m really nervous about is the full bladder situation.  At my other clinic you could get up about 20 minutes after the transfer and pee right away.  Since I should be trying to relax for the acupuncture after and then the hour before I can go home, I’m hoping that I am not in agony the whole time.  I guess I can ask for a bedpan if I need it, which will be a new and humiliating adventure in infertility, but hey, what dignity do I really have left at this point?

On a more serious note and I am a little afraid to put this out there in writing but I truly, deep down, believe this is going to work this time.  Maybe it’s the trust in CCRM, maybe it’s because if I start to think it won’t I can’t cope with that reality, or maybe it is actually time, but I believe it will work.  I’ve even (gasp) allowed myself to think of a positive test, actual pregnancy and real live baby or babies out of this.  This is all very out of character for me, I’m usually all manageable expectations and harsh reality, I’ve never allowed myself to think of the future after IVF #1 failed so miserably.  And if it doesn’t work, well, the fall is not going to be any harder because I had hope, I will fall apart regardless of how I feel at this moment.  I have been hard on myself at times through this journey, feeling stupid and bad for having hope and then being disappointed again and again.  But fuck it – that ends now, I’m walking into CCRM tomorrow with the expectation, and the demand that this work out for us, that it is our time.

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19 thoughts on “Tomorrow

  1. There is no reason to believe that it won’t work. You have every reason to believe that it will. I am so rooting for you and your chromosomally normal embryos! That card cracks me up! You’ll get to frame it soon. ❤

  2. I would highly recommend the bedpan. The nurse will help you with it and I think pretty much everyone needs it. It’s almost impossible to relax and enjoy Accupuncture when you are doing the pee pee dance!

  3. Best of luck for tomorrow! With good embryos and a good uterine environment, you are allowed to hope:-). Also, really, really relax and enjoy today, because I thought that the day leading up to the transfer and the day of the transfer were the only 2 days when I did not fret about something(either not having embryos to transfer, or not being pregnant).
    During my transfer, one of the best pieces of advice I got was not to drink a lot of water at one shot, but rather to keep sipping on some water. That way, by the time I was prepped up, I was quite full, but not uncomfortably full. While my clinic did not have a mandatory 2 hour wait, I managed to hold on for an hour after the transfer without feeling terrible. My nurse did keep reassuring me that the embryos don’t fall off when you pee, but with my luck, anything is possible! Again, enjoy tomorrow(be really nice to your baby’s mum:)) and good luck!

  4. I know transfer is happening right now! Eeeee!!!! Sending so much love and positive energy to you. I’m glad you are in a hopeful place right now – what’s the point of going through all this if we don’t have hope it’ll work? I believe it too – this is it for you. If there’s anything good and fair in the universe, this is it – this is your time.

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