*Well, we’re 95% sure it’s a girl – Dr G said not to paint a nursery quite yet (wasn’t planning on doing that anyway, have just now brought myself to buy an actual pregnancy book). We’ll get that 100% confirmation either with the first ultrasound or the MaterniT21 if that is something I can do through my OBGYN.
Growing up it was me and my sister and I have such good memories of time with my mom, and we have an amazing relationship today, so I am super excited to hopefully have that same closeness with my daughter (eek! still can’t believe we know this early). Husband’s best friend has two daughters and he has been very close to them as they grow up so I think he secretly wanted a girl as he loves being an uncle to those little ones. Obviously we would love either gender, as long as it’s healthy (Olive, listen to me here, you need to continue to grow and be super healthy and happy, OK?) but it’s been fun to picture life with a girl and be able to say that ‘She’ could care less if it is processed and disgusting and I haven’t had it since college, she wants kraft macaroni and cheese, damnit (actual quote from Friday).
We found out on Thursday but I wanted to get the news out to my mom and sister (my dad passed away 5 years ago) and to husband’s mother (father is alive, but a total asshole, story for another time) before I told anyone else. I found a bakery in Denver (my mom) and a bakery in Pittsburgh (his mom) that would do gender reveal cakes on short notice and deliver them. They were a big surprise and a huge hit. I got to Skype with mom and sister and see them actually cut into it and then have the freak out, there was lots of happy shouting about getting to buy girl clothes from my sister (she has a 3 year old boy) and lots of my mom crying with happiness. My mother in law got her cake at work so I didn’t get to see her cut into it, but she was headed to a girls weekend directly after and took it with her to celebrate with her best girl friends, which we all thought was perfect with the news of baby girl. Everyone would have been as excited for a baby boy as well, I think that it was just fun to actually be able to have a normal person moment – both for us and for our families and just celebrate some happy news and get excited about finding out so early.
Here’s a picture of the Denver cake after it was cut into and they had celebrated quite a bit with some champagne as well. Before being devoured it said “It’s a…” on the top.
We are so very excited, and still scared as it is so early, but I am battling my mind to defeat my fear on a daily basis (and mostly succeeding) to embrace that this should actually end with a real live baby girl, and just because my body is crap at making eggs doesn’t mean it can’t be awesome at actually cooking a baby. That doesn’t stop me from googling stupid shit like ‘what does morning sickness feel like’ and ‘nausea one day gone the next’ and ‘miscarriage rates after seeing heart beat’ but what can I say, you can get the girl knocked up but you cannot make her forget that she is still is and will always be, an infertile.
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, I spent mine basically laying in bed and eating whatever I could stomach, today I’m feeling a little bit better but still taking it easy. Very thankful to feel crappy and I get excited when I feel super nauseous, haven’t actually thrown up yet but really thought I was going to yesterday afternoon. Next week I have super important executive meetings with the big thing happening at my job, hoping to feel shitty enough to calm my mind, and good enough to not puke all over the board room table 🙂
Sending love to my friend H as well – she got some fucking shit news about her latest beta being a sign of miscarriage or ectopic. I just hate all of this fucking infertility and loss, and I wish I could do something, anything at all, to make it better. But I know that I can’t, all I can do is send love and support, and project my anger at the universe for allowing this to happen, again.