Belated Merry Christmas

I have been a bad blogger lately, and I don’t have a great excuse other than the big changes and drama going on at work continues, and by the time I get home I don’t have much energy left to do more than eat and sleep.  So… will attempt to recap as much of December as I can.  If you are in a rough place I’ve placed the pregnancy update in a separate section below so that you can easily skip if need be.

Christmas

We went to Denver for the holiday to see the family.  My mom, sister, her douchebag husband and my amazing 3.5 year old nephew live out there.  My grandmother who is now 90 always joins us from Iowa, she is quite the pistol, especially after she has a glass or two of wine.  And we flew in my MIL as well, she joins us each year and her and my mom have become good friends, which is fun for all of us.  I counted while on the plane out there that this trip marked our 6th trip to Denver in 2014.  I love Denver, I am from there, but I have to say I’m pretty sick of it at this point.  Christmas was good overall, lots of eating and hanging out with the family.  I did miss booze a lot when having to deal with the brother in law as I realized that drinking heavily is really the only way to deal with his level of crazy.  The whole time we were there I couldn’t help but think how different this year was from last year.  Last Christmas our second IVF had just failed and I was miserable and coming down from all the hormones.  I did not want to be there, did not want to be anywhere in fact, and it was agony just to make it through each day.  This year was the opposite, filled with plans for the future and celebrations with family and friends, but always in my mind I was the recollection of the pain of the last 3 years and how many of you are still out there in that place.  Hoping for all of you that this is the last of the tough holidays and that 2015 is a better year.

Pregnancy Update

Sorry in advance for the rambling, but here’s all that I can remember since the last time I posted an update.  As of today I am 18 weeks and 5 days.  The first trimester went by so incredibly slowly it seemed like time was standing still, after making it to week 14 it is starting to go by faster, but each week still feels like a big milestone.  Morning sickness luckily got way better at 14 weeks exactly, and I realized just how badly I had been feeling (probably because I was so happy to be feeling like crap) for the first couple of months.  I guess it’s like anything else, you don’t realize it when you are in it but after it’s over you have some perspective and I would happily still feel sick or do it all over again if I had to, but it is nice to be feeling better.  Now I feel mostly like I used to, with the exception of peeing all the time and still getting tired way more easily (still going to bed at 8:30).  I have started to feel what I think is her a little bit, feels like little pokes or tickles from the inside, which is crazy and a little surreal.  Logically I know that I am pregnant but to actually feel something alive in there is a whole other level of reality.

I told my boss at 15 weeks and he was amazing as I expected.  While telling him I told him the summary version about how much we had been through to get to this point as I wanted him to understand that I love my job, but this baby comes first.  His best friends had been through 6 rounds of IVF so I think he really understood.  He has only been my boss for about 6 months, my earlier boss knew all about our trips to Denver and IVF (and pretty much the pregnancy right after we found out) so it was good to have everything out in the open.  And apparently his wife was treated pretty badly during her pregnancy and maternity leave where she was working at the time so he is very cognizant of making sure that I get what I need and that we work out a flexible plan for when I leave work and how I come back.  Right now I am thinking of taking the full 18 weeks that I believe I can get while still guaranteeing that I will have my job when I come back.  I need to meet with HR to confirm all of this but my goal is to take as much time as I possibly can but realizing that I need to come back to my job at it’s current pay and level.  While both of us have good jobs, I am the primary earner in the family so I will have to go back to work.

We have started some major renovations on our house, starting with the revamp of our first floor flooring and closet, which is where Olive’s room will be.  With that we have also started to look at nursery furniture (OMFG) and paint colors, I’ve spent lots of time on Pinterest looking for ideas.  Next up is redoing the kitchen and master bathroom.  I am sure our house will be a fucking disaster for the next couple of months, but figured it was better to do it now than later.

*Sidenote: even though I am almost halfway through it seems insane in my still infertile mind to be planning all of these things, but I realize that I need to continue to go with my attitude that planning is not going to ‘jinx’ anything and I am a type A planner that feels lost without a plan and checklist.

When telling others about the pregnancy, even people I don’t know very well I find myself using a phrase like ‘it was a very difficult road to get here and we are very happy’.  I’m sure some people don’t get what I am alluding to, but I want to be open about our journey as much as I can without getting into the creepy TMI overshare category.  And just in case I am talking to someone who is going through infertility without me realizing I feel like I need to make sure that they understand that I am not a normal fertile person.

The next big milestone is the anatomy scan which is on January 8th.  Really hoping that goes well and this pregnancy continues to be boring and uneventful.

That’s it for now, sending love and hope and good wishes to all of you for the new year.

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11 thoughts on “Belated Merry Christmas

    • So glad it’s not just me, having gone through all of this I feel like it’s not something I want to hide from, and if it can help anyone I want to put it out there. Loved your last post by the way, I agree that our struggles and stories are important and should be told.

  1. The nursery furniture was overwhelming as was the registry…whoa. After so much struggle, hope, defeat, and tragic losses I felt like I was spiraling out of control when trying to plot and plan everything. Thank God my husband keeps pushing me to be the normal checklist, detailed, planning person I normally am. We ordered our furniture 10 weeks ago and it still isn’t in, I called several times looking for it…so yeah…I’d definitely get on that even though it is scary.

    Good luck with the anatomy scan! That was an amazing experience!

    Happy new year!

    • Thanks so much for letting me know that I am not alone in this. It does feel pretty overwhelming at times but I do think allowing myself to be the checklist/type A person that I am in everything else helps a little bit :). And 10 weeks, wow, that is good to know, we have picked out what we want so sounds like I should get on that pretty soon!

  2. You’re a terrible blogger, very naughty, but all is forgiven now 😉 I can’t believe you’re almost halfway!! I’m still having trouble thinking it’s real so I completely get it, so I hope you’re also able to feel that excitement to carry you through the planning.

    So wonderful your boss gets it! Maternity leave is such a joke in this country, and being the breadwinner puts so much more pressure on you to not take time unpaid. I know it’s not really all up to him, but having a boss on your side makes such a difference.

    Don’t be a stranger, okay?? I miss you!

    • Haa, I know, hoping that 2015 gives me more time to put my thoughts down. Makes me feel better that you are still in some disbelief since you are so close! And yes, maternity leave is a huge fucking joke, makes me livid with anger actually. Luckily my boss is great and some big changes with the company I work for means we have a bit more financial security that should allow me to take off time even if it is unpaid. Congrats on last day of work and can’t wait to hear more about the lead up to the big baby day!

  3. Glad all is going well, I can relate to this post so much being 24 wks. ..It was such a different Christmas to the last few years. It seems so weird to be planning nursery’s etc but I guess at some point we have to believe it’s real!

    • 24 weeks, a huge yay for that!! And I know, it is so weird to be planning and actually buying things, just bought a CRIB (crazy to think we are going to have a crib in our house) today since it will take a few months to come in. Can’t wait to hear how everything else’s going!

  4. Just came in to your blog today and lapping up the updates:) So glad and excited to hear about the plans! Hope the anatomy scan went very well and the next few weeks just fly by!

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