Exactly a year ago today we had our consult at CCRM. After one of the worst Christmases in recent memory we stayed in Denver long enough to go to CCRM for the first time and meet with Dr G to see what they would suggest for me and my shitty eggs. Thus began a 9 month journey from 8 weeks of supplements, to multiple tests (including the beta-3 integrin test from hell), one retrieval, CCS testing and finally a transfer and my first ever big fucking positive pregnancy test and then the 3 month daily holding my breathe of making it through the first trimester with baby olive/aka baby fuck yeah.
Here is the post that I wrote after making it back from Denver a year ago. Reading it now I remember how very sad and tired I was, and how much 2013 had beaten us down, taking a toll on me personally and on my relationships with family. And also how fucking weird it was that the people sitting in front of us made out and came close to going to indecent levels for the entire 2.5 hour flight, seriously, who does that? But at the end of the post I can see the glimmer of hope from our first meeting with Dr G, the realization that it would be a long road, but that it was the right decision for us personally to jump into the craziness of traveling to Denver 6 times this year and going all in and trusting CCRM to get us at least one good embryo so we would have a chance.
2014 was a stressful, challenging, tiring year but it was also a year of making it through milestones and having the hope that it would be worth it in the end. It was also a year that I opened up to a lot of people about our struggles and what it meant to go through the terrible pain, suffering and ultimately the knowledge of strength that I had within to get through this and survive this disease (no matter the outcome). I met many other infertiles in person through this blog, both here in the states and even in Paris and even was able to offer some help to a few in their journey.
Looking back that is what stands out. I got to meet so many lovely ladies in person this year:
- Today I Hope for lunch in Paris – hoping that someday we will meet up in Paris again with babies that are only a month apart in age.
- Failing Baby Maker for a glorious and healing and laughing wine filled weekend in Oregon wine country and again with her lovely husband this fall, I am hoping that this year holds the answer for you guys, hopefully very soon
- M through us coincidentally being at CCRM for our 1 day workup on the same day and continuing our friendship since then. I am always here cheering you on lady, I have the highest hopes for transfer soon
- Monika during retrieval, hoping you are doing well my dear
- Deb for tea and lunch through this blog here in Seattle. Deb is now truly a part of my extended family through her trip to Denver for CCRM. Literally my whole family is sending love and hoping for the best with the next steps for surrogacy.
- Amanda through this blog and our acupuncture connection (Glow Natural Health Center in Seattle, they are the best) – thanks Lindsey!
And then there are all the ladies in the online community, without all of you guys this would be a very lonely place, we may come from different places and backgrounds, but the support and love and help has meant the world. These were the things that make me smile with joy for the wins and cry with tears as many of these amazing ladies are still struggling.
Building those friendships and being connected to this online community has seen me through dark days and I hope given me a voice to continue to tell my story and help with others suffering the same path. I even finally told my husband about the blog before the holidays (although I won’t let him read it, it’s still my private space, and I think he understands).
Thank you 2014 for all that you taught me and for this amazing gift of Olive and cheers to 2015, please be good to us all.
Happy New Year